2. "Comparison is the thief of joy"[1]
There
is no doubt that a large portion of our body image angst comes from comparing
ourselves to others, not just those media CGIs but with the actual women we see
and associate with.
In
my questionnaire, I received some insightful feedback about comparisons with
this question:
"Do you feel pressure to be
beautiful? If yes, how so?":
"Yes, so people don't judge
me"
"Absolutely--I need to stand
out."
"If I like a guy, then I feel
pressure to be more beautiful than other girls so that he'll notice me."
Elder
Jeffrey R. Holland seems to be an expert on this topic. He often comments on
how comparing ourselves to others and judging others comes from envy,
covetousness, and competition. He has much to say about these "natural
man" traits many women and girls struggle with overcoming:
"Coveting, pouting, or tearing others down does not elevate
your standing, nor does demeaning someone else improve your image."[2]
If
you're like me, perhaps you've noticed a lovely woman with exceptionally long,
slender legs or "perfect" hair, and thought, "I can't stand
her!" If so, these rhetorical questions are just for you:
"Who is it that whispers so subtly in our ear that a gift
given to another somehow diminishes the blessings we have received? Who makes
us feel that if God is smiling on another, then He surely must somehow be
frowning on us?"[3]
The
problem with comparing ourselves with others, and judging both of us in the
process, is that mortal judgment is always
relative. If we criticize someone for not being as fashionable as us, there
will always be someone else who is even more fashionable than we are, quite
possibly looking at us and thinking that we aren't fashionable enough, either!
We're always using a sliding scale; it's like grading on a curve, acting like
we're the expert professor with all the power when really we are little more
than a TA. God is the only absolute
judge, and He doesn't grade on a curve, as Elder Holland sums up beautifully
here:
"No one of us is less treasured or cherished of God than
another. I testify that He loves each of us--insecurities, anxieties,
self-image, and all. He doesn't measure our talents or our looks . . . He
cheers on every runner, calling out that the race is against sin, not against
each other."[4]
So,
let's teach our daughters and
ourselves that with the Lord there is no competition. Each of us has equal
opportunity and equal privilege to have His image engraven on our countenance.[5]Let's
learn that "a healthy comparison is
comparing who you are now with who you could be--your best self."[6]
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