Here are a few
more statistics, but these ones are encouraging:
·
Over 50% of 11-15 year-old girls say that their
mother helps them the most when they have a problem.[1]
·
66% of girls say their primary role model is
their mom.[2]
These
attitudes were definitely reflected in my questionnaire! Over and over,
respondents credited their mothers, as well as their grandmothers and sisters,
as carrying the most weight in terms of whose opinions matter to them.
I absolutely
love this comment from Elder Ballard in his conference talk specifically to
mothers and daughters:
"As
mothers in Israel, you are your daughters' first line of defense against the
wiles of the world. . . . Our society is bombarded with messages about
womanhood . . . that are dangerously and wickedly wrong. Following these
messages can put your daughters on the path to sin and self-destruction. Your
daughters may not understand that unless you tell them or, better, unless you
show them how to make good choices."[3]
I would add
that, as women in Israel, you are my
daughters' best defense, as well! We all need to help each other! Our
immunizing examples will help all of
the young women around us stay healthy.
Remember:
"There is nothing in this world as
personal, as nurturing, or as life changing as the influence of a righteous
woman."[4]
So what can
we do to inoculate our girls? We can become aware of what's going on, we can pay
attention, and we can get involved!
Once we are
more educated and aware, an obvious list of "do's" and "don'ts"
begins to emerge:
DON'T:
·
look in the mirror and __________ (You can fill
in the blank with your own negative 'reflection reaction': sigh/roll your eyes/make
a face.)
·
have the constant refrain, "I shouldn't be
eating this . . . "
·
shy away from cameras because you don't like
your ________.
·
frequently discuss and analyze others' physical appearance
·
spend so much time and means on your attire and
grooming that more important matters are neglected (Obviously, balance is
important here. We should take care to look clean and neat but without neglecting more important
matters.)
DO:
·
admire attributes more than appearance
·
discuss body image and validate feelings (so
your daughter knows she can come to you to talk freely and have her emotions
respected.)
·
talk positively about puberty/maturing/aging
(even though they each have their challenging aspects.)
·
consume media together and discuss it openly (Facebook is a great example of
this. We need to be where our kids are, and our kids are online. As much as I'm
uninterested in Facebook for my own fulfillment, I've been able to connect with
my young women by being on Facebook for them.
)
·
give specific compliments about characteristics
and accomplishments
How we
compliment is big because we may inadvertently be fueling the fire of
discontent. The comments I received on my questionnaire about this topic were
surprising! Apparently, at least when being asked anonymously, almost no girl
wants to hear that she looks cute, or that her hair looks great. Almost everyone would prefer soulful comments, not superficial ones.
Here are a few examples I received:
What
compliment makes you feel best about yourself?
·
"When people tell me that they think I'm
cool or interesting. Just saying, 'You're beautiful,' doesn't necessarily mean
that a person likes you. I like to know that people like me."
·
"When someone tells me that I am amazing. I
feel like this means something deeper than beautiful and that they are looking
past my outer shell."
·
"When someone compliments my character,
saying that something I said helped them or something nice I did made their
life better."
·
"When people say I'm funny."
·
When people say "that I look happy."
·
"When people tell me I am responsible. I
like 'gold stars!'"
·
When people say "Your eyes are
beautiful." (I heard this one SO often! I think it goes to show that the eyes
really are the windows to the soul.)
And
here's a great final suggested compliment:
·
When people say "that I radiate the Lord
and His love."
So, let's
teach our daughters and ourselves that
together we can feel beautiful.
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