This phrase
comes from section 59 of the D&C, easily my favorite chapter of scripture
because it spells out so clearly and with such wonderful imagery that THE WORLD
IS BEAUTIFUL BY DESIGN!
The Lord
blessed us with this rich plenty not merely for the utilitarian purpose of
sustaining life but specifically "to please the eye and to gladden the
heart."[2]
The caveat
is that all these gifts should be used "with judgment, not to excess,
neither by extortion."[3]
This most definitely
applies to our bodies. We need to provide care for their physical well-being
with judgment but not to excess, and we shouldn't overlook the importance of
spiritual health either.
And that
third part, about "extortion," is absolutely crucial. 'To extort'
literally means 'to twist out,' similar to the mirror distortions we mentioned earlier, but 'extortion' is more personal.
Brother John S. Tanner, husband of former Young Women general president Susan
Tanner, taught about this in a fabulous article for the Ensign entitled, "The Body as a Blessing." In it, he sums
things up like this:
"Our use of . . . the body must
not be twisted out of the divinely
ordained purposes for which [it was] given."[4]
Our girls
could definitely benefit from our
modeling beautiful behavior in these three key areas:
·
Physical Health
·
Spiritual Health
·
Modesty
PHYSICAL NOURISHMENT
Interestingly,
research shows that the key to maintaining healthy body weight and eating
patterns is to first develop a positive body image.[5]
So, first and foremost, we should work on all those things we've already been
talking about.
FOOD
As far as
food goes, we should model eating behavior that reflects healthy food choices
and appropriate portions rather than the detrimental cycle of dieting and
binging.
Kids are not
stupid! They pay attention to how we eat! One of my daughters
particularly struggles with controlling her appetite--she absolutely loves
food! One night, she returned from an activity feeling terrific. Well, ten
minutes later, she was sobbing! When I sat her down to try to figure out what
was going on, she finally revealed that the source of her misery was her
father. She explained that, at the end of the activity, she had declined an offered
treat. Now, as she's telling me this, my
husband is quietly entering the room behind her, coming to help console her. At
this point, he freezes, waiting to hear how he could possibly have caused these
tears! My daughter went on, "When I came home, I was feeling so proud of
myself, and I knew you and Dad would be so proud of me, too, but then I smelled cookies on Dad's breath!"
And the sobbing resumed, as my husband silently backed out of the room. Yes,
our kids pay attention--contradictions between what we say and what we do, do
not slip past them!
FASTING
Another area
where we can be great role models, as far as food goes, is with fasting.
I have to be
honest and tell you that it's taken me thirty years to begin to more fully
appreciate the Law of the Fast. Fasting is a blessing in many regards but, for
our purposes, it's particularly useful to strengthen what our family calls
"our willpower muscle." Effective fasting today really will give us
increased strength tomorrow to resist whatever craving might be trying to
overtake us, even if it isn't cookies. How could we possibly expect our
children to have the strength and know-how to decline the really dangerous temptations
if they have never practiced? And fasting once a month is such a simple,
harmless way to give them that practice! It's just like any other kind of
exercise--simply practicing placing the spirit as master over the body makes
our willpower stronger.
SLEEP
A third
facet of physical nourishment that I'd like to mention is sleep. I was shocked
at how many questionnaire respondents recognized the connection between getting
a good night's rest and feeling optimistic and self-confident the next day. It
was one of the most common answers to the question, "On a normal day, what factors contribute to how beautiful you
feel?"
So don't be
afraid to set and enforce a curfew
for your children! And certainly don't be afraid to outlaw sleep-overs! Help
your children recognize the connection between healthy sleep habits and a
positive body image.
PHYSICAL
EXERCISE
Physical
exercise is obviously a huge part of physical health. Consider this great
immunizing effect of being active:
"Feeling how alive your body is
from the inside is a good antidote to the criticisms foisted on it from the
outside."[6]
Next to
sleep, exercise was the other wise answer I saw again and again and again on
the questionnaire regarding things that make a positive difference for body
confidence. Here are some respondents' comments about why they exercise:
·
"Because I feel better about myself and
life in general when I do."
·
"I like to feel strong."
·
"Exercise is my stress reliever, my
energizer, and what keeps me comfortable in my skin and with my body weight.
Plus, I really value my ability to be active."
And one of
the respondents made this wise observation:
·
"When you exercise with a group, you can
make friends."
Swin Cash, a
professional female basketball player, agrees. She commented on this benefit of
exercise and athletics in a recent interview. She said:
"Staying active in sports totally
kept me from getting starstruck. I hung out mostly with athletes who
appreciated their bodies for what they could do, not just how they
looked."[7]
There are
other side-benefits to exercise, too, beyond taking good care of our bodies and
making quality friends. In our family, my husband and I have seen how spending
time being active keeps our children away from the places where they'll be
bombarded with the world's distorted mirrors, like the mall and the TV room! We
also have found that activities done together offer great opportunities for us
to talk with our kids, often in a way that is much more comfortable than
sitting down interview-style. In our family, the best "ppi's" occur
on the golf course or on the tennis court or along the trail.
SPIRITUAL
NOURISHMENT AND EXERCISE
Of course,
we shouldn't overlook spiritual health,
either.
"The man or woman who is taking
neither spiritual food nor spiritual exercise will presently become a spiritual
weakling, and the flesh will be master."[8]
Prayer and
scripture study are two of the most delicious, satisfying spiritual foods in
our pantries! Both fill us with the Spirit, which is the best way to catch
those glimpses into eternity that remind us of who we really are.
Spiritual exercise will also make us stronger. Elder Holland called serving others
"the finest exercise for
the heart ever prescribed."[9]
Combined
with active gratitude, service does wonders for taking our minds off ourselves,
and off our bodies. And this type of exercise is sure to put a smile on the
face of even our most self-conscious young woman. I think we would all agree:
"A smile would have to be the most
charming cosmetic [a woman can use]. . . . Truly in the world of [beauty],
there is no close second to a genuine smile."[10]
MODESTY
As hard as
it might be to get our children eating healthy food or spending more time
reading their scriptures, is any topic more challenging these days than
modesty?! Unfortunately, at least in my experience, it seems like this is a
battle that many mothers have given up fighting but, in my opinion, it is
absolutely critical to helping our girls understand true beauty. I agree
wholeheartedly with Elder Ballard who said,
"[Our daughters] need to
understand that when they wear clothing that is too tight, too short, or too
low cut, they not only can send the wrong message to young men with whom they
associate, but they also perpetuate in
their own minds the fallacy that a woman's value is dependent solely upon her
sensual appeal."[11]
That is so
important! Look at that last part again: they perpetuate in their own minds the fallacy that a woman's value is
dependent solely upon her sensual appeal. We were having some struggles
with our young women about modesty, and it was this point of Elder Ballard's
that finally broke through and connected with a certain Laurel. In my
experience, young women don't like to have modesty explained solely based on
"helping young men." They'd much rather understand why it matters to them.
For the Strength of Youth has a
wonderful section about modesty, which hopefully you're all well familiar with.
Personally, though, my favorite sentence about modesty isn't found on those
pages. Instead, on page 36 in the Sexual Purity section, we read,
"Do not do anything. . . that
arouses sexual feelings."[12]
This
approach also helped some of our Laurels better understand modesty. It helped
them understand how some clothing that is modest in what it covers may still be
immodest in what it conveys.[13]
As I have tried to explain to them, trying to "turn someone on" might actually be the equivalent of doing something that would "arouse
sexual feelings," which is inappropriate and immodest.
This is yet
another area where, as their mothers and mentors, our modeling will teach them
more than all the lectures we could possibly give them. If we don't prove to
them that modesty matters by sacrificing some of the popular fashions of the
day, they certainly won't feel the need to make those same sacrifices, and it
may be our fault that they are missing out on the wonderful blessings that
always accompany righteous sacrifice.
So, let's
teach our daughters and ourselves that
our bodies are meant to be well cared for and that modesty really does matter.
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